


Struggling

by amethystcarnelian



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 06:33:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11076003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amethystcarnelian/pseuds/amethystcarnelian
Summary: After Shiro's disappearance Keith is struggling with leading Voltron. Lance, now the temporary red pilot, behaves recklessly and Keith finally breaks. Lots of yelling and crying happens, langst and klangst and such.





	Struggling

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT? WHAT EXACTLY THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SUCH AN IDIOT?" Keith screamed, tears beginning to pool in the corners of his violet eyes. His face contorted in anger and terror at the thought of losing Lance, he glared upwards at the vibrant azure eyes, sparkling as furious tears welled up and spall over.

"If I hadn't done it you could've died and we both know damn well that would've been a lot worse." The bright blue eyes stared determinedly at the cold metallic floor of the Red Lion's hangar in the brightly lit castle. Silently, furious tears rolled down warm brown, freckled cheeks, dripping onto smooth armor, normally pristine but currently marred with dark, still smouldering, burn marks and splashed with dark, dried blood. 

"What the hell do you mean?" Keith questioned quietly, blinking rapidly, lost for a moment as to what exactly was happening. Lance continued to avoid looking at Keith, now staring at his boots instead of the floor. A few beats of silence before Lance finally spoke.

"You're the god damn black paladin Keith, what do you think I mean? Voltron needs you, it doesn't need me," Lance muttered, his eyes flicking up to Keith's face for half a second. Even in the tiny moment in which he maintained eye contact, Keith could see the pain, emotional and physical, in Lance's eyes. Unfortunately, the pain visable on Lance's face didn't manage to reduce Keith's anger or to stop him from saying what he would later regret.

"Do you think I chose to be black paladin?" his voice quaking with fury, "DO YOU?"

"I-I-I don't-I-" Lance struggled to try and say something to stop Keith from shouting anymore.

"I HATE THIS! I HATE BEING BLACK PALADIN! I CAN'T DO THIS! AND THEN YOU GO AND DO THIS! Did you even think for two seconds before you jumped in front of that galra fighter? Do you ever think at all?" Keith shook with anger as hot tears began to pour down his pale face, which was splotched in bright red.

"MAYBE I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU! MAYBE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IMPULSIVE, MAYBE I'M TRYING TO BE MORE LIKE WHAT YOU ALL WANT ME TO BE!" Lance screamed as he too cried, his face scrunching up, now glaring directly at the stunned purple eyes of the young black paladin in front of him.

Harsh and cold, a wave of realization hit Keith. Suddenly, he couldn't find his voice, as his heated anger vanished and was swiftly replaced with a drowning sorrow. Everything was just too much. The pressure of being black paladin in Shiro's absence. The expectation of him to be a 'defender of the universe'. Everyone looking to him for an answer as to what they should do, how to find Shiro, how to protect everyone. And now Lance, Lance not thinking that he mattered, not seeing how much he meant to the team. Not seeing how much he meant to Keith.

Keith leant back against the red lion's leg and slid down until he landed on the floor with a soft thump that echoed gently around the hangar. He brought his knees up to his chest and began to sob. It had been so long since he had ever cried in front of anyone, he hadn't done it since he was about 10, preferring to keep such vulnerable moments for the privacy of his own room. He hated himself for doing this, especially when Lance clearly deserved to be able to cry and be comforted so much more. Lance had thrown himself between Keith and the galra soldier who had sneaked up while he hadn't been paying attention. The point blank range blast would've killed Keith if Lance hadn't been there to suprise the soldier as he aimed. There had been every chance that Lance could've died but he'd done it anyway. And yet Keith was the one crying as Lance dropped to the floor next to him.

"Hey Keith, buddy?" the soft, concerned voice was such a dramatic switch from before, it should have been comforting but it seemed so much worse. Lance shouldn't be being kind or supportive, he had every right to hate Keith. Hate him for shouting at him. Hate him for making him become the red paladin instead. Hate him for being so harsh in training. Hate him for every cruel, irritated word he had ever said to him. Lance only seemed to harbour hatred for himself.

"I- I'm- I'm sor-sorry," choked out between sobs the dark haired boy apologized, it felt so weak and pathetic, it in no way conveyed just how much he wanted to take back every harmful word. "Oh god Lance, I'm s-so sorry."

"Hey hey, it's okay Keith, it's fine," Lance tried his hardest to plaster a fake smile across his face, the well practiced feined happiness not quite so effective while he was still crying himself. 

"It's all too much, I can't be the black paladin, I can't do this, I should have realized something was wrong with you, considered how you felt about all of this. But I didn't. I only thought about my own damn feelings. And now I'm the one being comforted when I don't deserve it. I just want to fix everything. I want Shiro back. I want you to be okay, to be happy. I want Pidge to get their family back. I want Hunk to be able to bake proper earth cookies whenever he damn well wants to. But I just can't seem to fix any of it." At that, Lance gently moved forward and pulled Keith tentatively into a hug. As Keith curled into him Lance pulled him closer as they both cried, letting out all that they had been bottling up for the past month.

"Haha, it's- it's funny- you know," Lance began, "I- I think you're doing a brilliant job given the sit- situation. You've always been so good at everything, ever since I met you back in the garrison. The best fighter pilot anyone had ever seen. Ever since this whole Voltron thing started you're the one that's been so amazing. Kicking galra butt, kicking my butt every time I tried to continue that stupid rivalry with you. There had never even been any real rivalry, had there? You'd always been so much better, I was never even close. I guess I just felt like the seventh wheel in all of this, you know? The rest of you are so much better than I am, you've all got something you're good at. I'm just an annoyance. Someone that just boasts about their mediocre achievements all the time. I-I guess I'd been trying to be more noticeable. That at least I'd be memorable as the loud one, the comedy relief or something. And now with Shiro missing and having to switch lions and not fitting with red properly and having everyone so tense and freaked out and everything, I guess it's all just gotten worse..." When Lance opened his eyes again he was suprised to see Keith's face so close and looking at him with such a distraught expression.

"I-I didn't- I didn't know- I just- I'm so sorry. God that sounds so pathetic but I am, I'm so sorry that I made you feel like that. I never wanted to hurt you. You're so important to the team, to all of us, to me. I should never have yelled at you, if I could I would take back any and all of the awful things I've ever said to you. I care about you so damn much. I just want us to be happy and not have to deal with all this," Keith tried his best to convey just how much remorse he felt for what he had said, everything coming out in a rush.

Lance lifted his right hand from where it clung on to Keith's armour on his back to the tear soaked face of the young man. Gingerly, he wiped away some of the tears on the left side of his face using his thumb. Ocean blue eyes looked into deep, stormy purple, both red from crying. Ever so slowly Keith reached his own right hand up to Lance's freckled face and cupped the left side of it gently. Slower still his eyelids flickered shut as he leaned in to close the gap between their lips. He ensured Lance had enough time to pull away if he didn't want this. At long last their lips met in a short but sweet moment as they sat on the floor of the hangar, both bruised and battle damaged but now feeling so much lighter after having finally gotten off their chests all that had been weighing them down over the past month or longer. Lighter still at having, after all this time, letting one another know of their true feelings towards one another, and at having them reciprocated.

"Good christ do I love you," Lance's lips curved up into a small smile as he spoke as they rested their foreheads together.

"The feeling's mutual," Keith chuckled quietly, feeling the most peaceful he had in a very long time.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time ever writing any fan fiction so let me know what you think. I ended up thinking of this after I doodled Keith yelling at Lance because they were both stressed and upset and this is what I ended up with :/


End file.
